The Bosses Wife
by two hands two feet
Summary: People don't believe in love at first sight because nothing is supposed to be that easy. What people don't consider is that even if love is so obvious that it hits you over the head from the start, you have to fight for it. And that part is never easy
1. Cover

**1: ****Covered**

**The club was packed and sweaty. Bodies grind suggestively against each other. Everyone seeks something from someone else. Cold comfort found in the warm touch of another- a touch that would be gone as soon as dawn breaks. Lowly and guilt laced come morning we'll all be forced through the walk of shame back to whatever hole we crawled out of just hours before. But for now we'll savor the moment. Now may be all that we ever have. This is the story of a cold, winter, New York City night. **

"**Anything promising?" A raspy voice breaks from beside me. **

**When I turn toward the voice I'm not surprised to meet icy blue eyes. Crisp, clean, daring. I shrug off her questioning gaze as she raps her nails on the bar beside me. I have long learned that it is best to pick and choose your battles with this one. She knows what everyone is thinking any way so whats the point? I'll save my energy for an argument where I would stand a chance. **

"**There." A long skinny finger points somewhere in the general direction of the bar. "That's her." She cocks a brow at me furtively. Cockily almost as well. **

"**That's who?" I follow the guide of her finger until my eyes catch a blue. A blue unlike the one that reflects in Effy's eyes. It's a blue that causes my breath to hitch in my throat and a pool to form between my legs. The girls eyes stop on my own, and from across the bar I am drawn to her.**

**Eff leans in close to my body, I can feel her hot breath on my ear as she whispers**

"**Well your lady of the night of course."**

**And as quickly as she arrived she was gone leaving me mystified. I don't know what it is that propels me forward. I cant discern whether it's the certainty of Effy's words, the pills and alcohol, or the aching feeling in my gut. One way of other, even if subconsciously decided, I was going to satisfy my need to be within the proximity of the blonde.**

**Our eyes remain locked as I make my way across the club. I keep my gait straight and intentional. I want her to know that I've spotted my target and that she's it. She's got her bottom lip tugged up between her teeth as the colors of the flashing lights above us flicker. The colored lights dance and flash radiating her long slender arms, which are elaborately tattooed. Whether or not she's nervous I cant tell. But the liquid courage doesn't allow me to care.**

"**Hey."**

**The approach was clean and simple, but my intention was clear. She scoffs feigning indifference as she releases her lower lip. Unimpressed but entertained. Ill take it. It's better than being shut down.**

"**You eye fuck me from all the way across the club and that's the best that you can do?"**

**As soon as she opens her mouth I am taken aback by the last thing that I was expecting to hear. Her accent. I try to not let my smile falter. Seems you can try your hardest to escape your home but little remnants keep popping up, beckoning you back to a past you'd rather forget. **

"**Of course not." I place a cool hand on her bare knee and allow it to crawl up her thigh. "I hope now that I'm in your general proximity I am no longer limited to using my eyes."**

**Her face contorts in a mixture of confusion and amusement as the words roll off of my tongue. Her breath hitches as my hand slides even further and before I know it shes tugging her bottom lip between her teeth again. **

"**You're English?" She asks between a gulp and a sigh. I nod holding eye contact. I watch her eyes gloss over and her pupils dilate. **

"**You?" I shoot back dumbly already knowing the answer but desperate to keep my cool in the presence of this goddess. **

**She leans into my body, closer than humanly possible. Closer than should feel right, but right now there is nothing that I want more than this girl. And I intend to have her. In everyway imaginable.**

**My knees go weak as her hot breath on my neck sends tingles down my spine. **

"**This is New York City babe." Her tongue trails my earlobe. I lean into her touch. "We can be whoever we want." She captures the slightest bit of my ear between her teeth where her lip had just been. **

"**Emily." I find myself breathing out when I have collected myself, well at least as much as possible. In situations like this an introduction at least is decent. Dare I show her a hint of a human side while all of the rest of me is oozing animalistic instincts?**

"**Now now Emily." She spins in her stool so her back it to me, yet she is still watching me over her shoulder. "Have we really the need for formalities?" She cocks her brow playfully. Her blues eyes are mischievous. How quickly the game has changed. But I'm desperate to get it back.**

**In a confident stride I push myself between the girl and the bar reaching for her glass, downing it in one ladylike sip. My eyes still lock with her icy blue. Her breathing become labored as her chest rises and falls heavily. **

"**Well I guess you should just let me fuck you then." I sigh. "Especially now your drinks out and all."**

**Her eyes widen in surprise. The ball is back in my court where it belongs. I can see that while this mystery girl is still playing along she is deliberating my offer. The beat seems to get a little longer, and the crowd a little quieter while I wait for her to speak. I try to keep my cool. I try not to make it obvious that I don't want this girl... I need her. **

**With a crooked smile and sideways glance she finally speaks. **

"**Sure do know how do woo a woman don't you there Ems."**

**She slurs her words a bit but the way she said my name sets something off inside of me. So we went from no formalities to nicknames? Her hand lazily makes its way to mine. Stroking the tips of my fingers ever so softly, she challenges me.**

"**Oh but the wooing is just the beginning. You have no idea what you're in for."**

**I sealed my fate. She bites her lip on more time before signaling the bartender. He quickly arrives and sits two drinks before us. She grabs the bottles between two fingers and then my hand with her free one. **

**The moment she touches me I feel a jolt of electricity through my body. Frozen in place I look up find her eyes already on mine. They looked scared, and a bit apprehensive. Nevertheless before I knew it I was letting myself be pulled outside into the cold New York City night… I wish I had remembered my jacket.**

**;**

**;**

**;**

_**Two days later**_

**The earliest light casts a warm glow on her face. Ive been up all night, reading, listening to music, watching her… As she begins to stir she allows me to pepper soft kisses shoulder to palm. I move along the path with my eyes fixed on the colors and images splayed under my lips. This girl is a hard one to figure out. **

"**Mmm." She moans and rolls over as my mouth meets her palm. "I guess I was wrong about you."**

"**Yeah?" I cock a brow at her playfully**

"**You do know how to woo a lady." I break out into a giggle as she continues. "I have been at your flat for two days." She smiles at me genuinely. But I can tell that deep down something is troubling the girl.**

"**Well since you've made yourself comfortable I think that the least you can do is tell me your name." I smile playfully however desperate to know anything about the woman in front of me**

"**I thought that we were going to keep this simple." She challenges me with a cocked brow.**

**I give her my best puppy dog face, lip pouted and all. Damn, this girl may make me lose all self respect. She lets out an exaggerated sigh and rolls her eyes. **

"**Naomi." For something so simply stated in beautifully rolls off her tongue. "But that is where it begins and ends. Simple." She reiterates. **

"**Simple." I nod in agreement. She lowers her head to give me a gentle kiss on the lips. **

**I let my hands travel down her body and across a large bruise on her toned abdomen. How did I not notice it the other night? It is angry, … and fresh.**

"**Ran into a table." She says quickly removing my hand from her tender flesh.**

**I cock my brow skeptically before she pulls the sheet over her midsection. Gently she grabs my chin and forces me to look her in the eye. **

"**Simple." She says one final time.**

**Our eyes remain locked, both searching for something in the others. Something inside me knows my next move could make or break it with this girl. Well this is turning out to be one hell of a one night stand. When suddenly-**

"**EMILY FUCKING FITCH!" The brunette storms into the room her hands clenched into little balls at her side.**

"**Fucks sake Katie!" I yell back glancing at Naomi and then back at my sister who obviously didn't care what she walked in on. "I've got company." I tell her tight lipped, praying that Naomi would not use this as her excuse to flee.**

"**I don't give a fuck what you've got Emily! DO YOU REALIZE I have been doing your runs all morning? The winds just gone and fucked my hair, and the colds burned my cheeks red, and my nose is running like a proper faucet!" **

"**Katie!" A low voice calls. Effy no doubt. She enters the room, also without invitation or warning. **

"**Is there any bloody privacy around here?" I turn to Naomi. "I'm sorry."**

"**Emily!" Katie cries "Im pasty!"**

**I see Naomi looking between Katie and I.**

"**Where the fuck is my apology?" Katie fumes, "Or a thank you would suffice as well."**

"**I'm sorry." Effy grabs Katies arm leading her out of the room. "We were going to see if you- you both" She corrects herself "would like to join us for lunch but since your occupied"**

"**Thanks anyway Eff." I am thankful for her grace and ability to remove my sister from my room. **

"**No problem. Besides, she'll be a cheap date." She turns to Katie "You can order off the kiddie menu if you insist on acting like you're five."**

**Effy is the only person that can talk to Katie like that. I cannot even get away with half of the things that Katie says to her and she is my fucking sisters! At least Katie didn't explain further what those "runs" entail. The last thing that I want is to scare this girl off.**

"**Sorry." I say again. There is a blush I try to push back with no avail crawling up my cheeks. **

"'**s fine." She turns and looks at me with a smirk. "Didn't realize you had a twin." Naomi pointed out**

"**Simple. Remember?"**

**She scowls, obviously not like having her own rules used against her. **

"**And the other girl?" She asks **

**I give in. She does seem genuinely interested. I get the feeling that this "keep it simple" scenario was only going to be regarding Naomi and what she cares to divulge about herself... Or not for that matter. She picks at her fingernails as I speak, and watches me from a crooked angle. In the past two days I've caught her several times allowing me to confuse her with a small child. Slightly unsure of herself, but sure enough to have enough conviction to act. Like the confidence inside her is stifled, definitely not by ignorance or even by choice. It just is. And I cant figure out why.**

"**Effy." I begin having no actual problem giving the girl an explanation. "She and Katie, my sister, have been together for a few years now."**

**Naomi looks a bit surprised.**

"**I wouldn't have pegged it."**

"**Me either." I admit. "Effy is mental… well, in a way, balanced out now but that stuff never just goes away you know?" Naomi nods as she listens "Anyhow, Katie is good with it. And Katie isn't mental but often acts as if she is and the Effy goes and fixes her. Neither of those girls take shit, that's why they're good together. They can both be full of it."**

**Naomi seems to ponder this for a second before she shrugs.**

"**Well then I'm guess it's good they have each other."**

**She smiles although she seems almost sad at the thought. Wanting desperately to keep her here I figure it best to change the subject.**

"**You hungry?"**

**;**

**;**

**;**

"**I cannot believe that you don't like soup?" I howl as we stroll through the snow covered park, nursing warm drinks in our palms. **

**Naomi's face twists up into a scowl.**

"**Soup offends me. It's not even a real meal! Everything's all mixed up like baby food." She shakes her head, trying to suppress a smile. "All that I am saying is that soup really, genuinely, upsets me."**

"**Even when it's near freezing out and your in the middle of a snowpocolypse?"**

**Naomi scoffs and chuckles**

"**That's not even a real thing Ems."**

**I can't stop staring at her, She is beautifully toned with her light blond hair and crystal blue eyes. She looks like an angel against the snow. She blends in with it so perfectly I fear that she'll disappear against it. Somewhere in my heart I know it's only a matter of time. And as if on cue.**

"**Shit." Naomi mumbles as a low buzz sounds from her jacket pocket. We stop completely as she digs furiously for her phone. Finally she manages to grab hold of it and her eyes flick to the screen quickly. She looks worried as she tugs her lip between her teeth and furrows her brow.**

"**You alright?" I ask taking a step toward the girl. She stays in place.**

**She nods with exaggeration, although I can tell its just nerves as she shoves her phone back in her pocket. **

"**Hum?" She finally looks up at me. "Oh yeah I'm fine. Let's go." She drags my hand and leads me off into the snow.**

**;**

**;**

**;**

"**I love this song." She leans back into her chair and sips her glass of wine. **

**We had found our way to a little jazz pub. Best way I think to escape the snow, and much to my surprise Naomi seems to be loving it. Although she did seem to be a little off since receiving that phone call, a little jumpy like, always looking over her shoulder, she seemed to be having a good time.**

**She is absolutely entranced watching a man perform solo on stage. It was just he, his sax, and the saddest song I may have ever heard. Her elbow is on the table, and she has one leg pulled up to her chest with her chin propped on it like she has made herself completely comfortable. I want to keep her. **

**Glancing up with me she has sad eyes. Eyes that signaled our time was coming to an end. **

"**Don't." I say before she even says the words.**

"**I have to." She says in a small voice.**

"**You can stay with me. Whatever you're running from Naomi-"**

"**Is none of your concern," She finishes for me.**

"**But you want to stay." I argue trying to not sound like a begging child**

"**Of course… these have been the best day's that I've had since being in the states." She smiles sadly as she stands. Her face look ghostly in the dark.**

"… **will I see you again?" I ask rising to my feet as well. **

**She has her lips pursed as she shakes her head no. Her arms wrap around her chest protectively. **

"**It's not safe." Her voice cracks when she speaks finally. **

"**What if I can keep you safe?"**

**I say the words before considering their implications. And why is Naomi not safe? I try not to let my mind flash back to the bruise on her stomach. I try to not let myself consider that someone had done that to this beautiful woman in front of me. **

"**The bruise on your stomach?" I ask trying to not let a tear fall from my eye looking at this broken girl before me. **

"**Don't Emily. We said this was going to be simple." She shuffles on her feet a moment before making her way over to me. **

**Lightly she wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me in close. Tilting my chin up to her she brings her eyes to lock with mine. Face to face I can feel her hot breath on my lips. Helpless to do anything else, I ease toward her and close the gap. The kiss lingers for a moment before she deepens it. I can feel her need, and she mine as our bodies sink into one another. One more night is all I need. One more night and maybe I can get her out of my system. But it seems that fate has other plans. She pulls back.**

"**I've got to go." **

**In a flash she spins on her heels, and flees out of the door into the cold night air. **

_My heart breaks._


	2. Hollow

Wow! I really appreciate the response that i have gotten from this story! All of your reviews were lovely and I really hope to not disappoint! To be honest this story has been lying on my computer for several months and i wasnt quite sure what to do with it. I posted it, rather unceremoniously mind you, on my way to work the other day.

A little disclaimer, generally speaking i write a lot of angst, and that will never change. This story will deal with domestic/drug abuse and other themes that i hope, because of my personal experience i will approach tactfully, and an unapologetic lack of naivety. Gotta love life! Feedback like i said is always appreciated. I would love to find a way to incorporate Minky into this storyline, BUT i have to find a way to do it that would benefit the storyline versus my desire to just write for the characters :). Until then I'll dream. _Hyperfitched_, you are an amazing author and i almost simultaneously peed and shat myself when you reviewed. All of your feedback, reviews, alerts, and favs help me grow, and challenge myself as a writer. This entire story is outlined, and i've had written actually up until chapter 5... like i said its been just been sitting there haha. It is going to be 16 in length. Any suggestions, or things you would like to see more of/less of by all means- I am open.

I am in the process of reviewing and editing the chapters that I have written and bumping and barreling through the rest. Updates will probably only be every couple of weeks. Im not going to continue to bore you with constant authors notes, hence the length of this one (get it all out at once ;p ) although the reason that i posted this chapter so soon after the other was because i was so anxious to write one! Keep it simple. You guys are truly great.

xoxo

* * *

><p><strong>2 : Hollow<strong>

**When I was a little girl I was a dreamer. My sister and I would make up an imaginary world of fairies, nymphs, princes trying to save the lost princess. The princess was always played by Katie of course. Somewhere in the course of our lives the fairies and nymphs disappeared, and Katie's prince never came to her rescue. Somewhere along the way life happened.**

"**Gotcha." I meld the final piece of paper mache into place and step back and survey my work. I smile to myself a bit. Despite all of the shit that's gone on in my life I've always had one outlet. This. Glancing back at the piece I hope that my professor would deem at least satisfactory, I head toward to the living room. **

"**You alright Ems?" Effy asks from the kitchen where she was preparing her most successful meal for us. Toast and jam. It's food, and Christ is this city expensive. Doesn't much matter since all of us happen to be nightmares in the kitchen. **

"**Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. Been on a lot of runs lately, and class has been a bitch." I stretch as I take at the bar looking down into the kitchen. I lay my head on my arm absolutely exhausted. I havent been sleeping well, blue eyes seem to haunt me as soon as the lights go out. Luckily the girl that cant sleep is in the city that never sleeps. I've found myself going on many a late night walk… I tell myself its to get her out of my head, but if I were honest somewhere in me hopes to find her on one of those walks. **

**In these fantasies she wouldn't come to me, I would go to her. But she would be there ready, waiting, sporting that crooked smirk. Her blue eyes would dance just as they had when me met, and from that moment on I would never see the hurt, or fear, or sorrow that I had seen when we parted ways. **

"**Trying to make one final masterpiece are we?" Effy winks coming around the table and handing me a mug. I wipe the plaster off of my hands onto my jeans. **

"**Something like that." I muse taking a long sip of my coffee. **

"**And she cant stop thinking about Naomi." Katie of course interjects as she enters the room. My pride wont be hurt by how well Katie tends to read my mind. I cannot give her that satisfaction. "You know, I cant help but think that I've seen her somewhere before. Like we may have met some time ago."**

"**You have?" I exclaim, overly excited- my hopeful, naïve, younger sister side coming out. Or maybe Katies arrogant, teasing, manipulative older sister side is coming out and she's just dangling shit over my head. **

"**I said maybe." She scoffs and rolls her eyes before continuing "You know how many bottle blondes are running around New York city?"**

"**Fuck off." I flick my middle finger at my sister.**

"**Gladly."**

"**But I'm serious though. I know that I've seen her somewhere but I can't quite put my finger on it." Katie, for a moment, looks serious. **

"**Well if you get out of Ef's snatch long enough to recall it please, do let me know." Effy smirks at me as I rise from the couch, hoisting my bag over my shoulder. **

"**Where the hell do you think you're going? You were supposed to go shopping with me this afternoon. I need an outfit for Friday!"**

**A whine from Katie Fitch is a whine like no other. **

"**I've got runs before class." I rise from the couch winking at Effy as I let the door slam behind me. The last thing that I have time to concern myself with are the shopping exploits of Katie Fitch. Id rather not spend my evening listening to her compare me to a fashion victim from what not to wear. **

"**Your style's shit anyway!" I hear Katie yell as I head down our cold stairwell. **

**:::**

"**What did you get up to while I was gone?"**

**I shudder as his hand slides against my cheek. So calloused and rough. It's been nearly three years. I'll never get used to those hands. **

"**No-nothing." I stutter. **

**I was never the type of girl to be reduced to a trembling mess. Well… I never thought that I would be. I never thought that I'd be in the states, and I would have never imagined that I would be married to one of the most detestable men to roam the earth. **

"**Sure" He slithers closer toward me on the bed "you must have done something while I was gone."**

**His lips touch the base of my jaw. I swallow deeply to suppress the bile rising in my throat. When his hand slips up my shirt I pierce my eyes together as tight as possible. Try to pretend it's Emily, but I cant. She would never feel like this. She would never make me feel like this. She could never feel so cold.**

"**I got some new books. Started looking at pamphlets for classes." I speak hoping to distract him. Prolong the inevitable so to speak. "Remember I told you I was looking to enroll in some classes at Uni."**

**He pushes off of me, and stares deeply into my eyes. I flinch under his fixed gaze. With his hands at his sides holding himself up I know he can't strike me. But in only a matter of seconds that could change. I must choose my words carefully. He twists my hair around his fingers, still, his eyes fixed on mine. **

"**I thought we talked about this." **

**He swings his arm dramatically toward the bookshelf of our loft at my prized collection of literature. Our flat is lavish. Too lavish for me. I hate every archway, every stainless steel appliance, every plate, cup and vase. It all came from a filthy place and tainted money. **

"**What do you need to take classes for? You sure as hell read enough."**

**There was nothing more threatening to a manipulative personality than intellect. Luckily this was a lesson that I had learned early in life. But that's another whole complicated story that doesn't go much differently than this one. **

"**I know." It takes all of my will power to raise my hand and let it fall on his chest. "It's just, I don't know. I don't have anything to do all day- I don't have any friends-"**

"**You don't need any." He cuts me off. Voice almost menacing. He wouldn't share me. That's never changed. And that's a big part of the reason that I ended up in the states. "Am I not enough for you Naomi?" He allows the tips of his fingers to trace my neck. He always has to remind me that everything could be over in a second, that my well being is literally in his hands. **

"**I'm not saying that."**

"**Do I not put a roof over your head, do I not give you everything that you want?" He speaks in a low growl. A growl that I've heard before, before I went to the hospital when I "accidentally" hit my head on the corner of the kitchen counter, or when I happened to "fall" down the stairs and brake my arm. **

"**You do. You have been good to me-" Lies. All lies. It makes me sick. At this point I make myself sick.**

"**Did you forget that I saved you from the street? You have no one else."**

"**Don't."**

**I have someone. I've always had someone. That's why I'm here. That's why I've put up with this. I have to protect the only family that I have left. Everyday that I wake up whether I'm bruised or bleeding I know that someone else's life continues because of me. And besides, this is only temporary. Sooner or later I'll find a way out… or maybe sooner or later I'll be found… if only some one knew to look.**

"**You were just a ragged little thing when I took you in. You're a woman now. You're a wife. You like being my wife, … don't you Naomi?"**

**I nod unable to conjure words. Again, I cower beneath his threatening gaze. There is no wrong or right answer. Just his answer. Who is he? My husband, Sam Redding. And he pushes drugs across three of the five Boroughs. The last I heard he controls most of the exports through Brooklyn, Queens, and the Bronx. **

"**You love me right Nai? … you wouldn't turn your back on me would you?"**

**His breath smells of whiskey and cigarettes. His scruff scratches roughly against my cheek as he attempts to caress his cheek against my own. Blinking back tears I shake my head "no". **

"**Then tell me. Tell me you love me."**

**His eyes bore into mine possessively. **

"**I l- love you." More lies. **

"**Atta girl."**

**And finally as his cold rough hand slips his way up my thigh my tears escape. He is unfazed. I try to force my mind to some other place, but it is hard today. It gets harder everyday. **

**:**

**:**

**:**

"**OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" I bang for the last time, out of breath from trekking up seven flights of freezing cold stairs and rapping on the door for longer than I would have cared to.**

**It takes several seconds until the locks on the door stop clicking and clattering due to the seemingly intricate system that they have rigged up. **

"**Oh Emily, wow!" She brushes her blonde bushy mane from her eyes as she backs away from the door and allows me in. Her eyes are big and wild. Despite the cold temperature outside, the apartment is warm and smells like cinnamon apples. I guess she's baking again. "I wasn't expecting you."**

**I step into the apartment. Glitter snowflake ornaments dangle from the ceiling casting a rainbow reflection on the windows that stretch floor to ceiling.**

"**Sorry." I speak non too apologetically, knowing that she is not actually bothered by my visit. "Sid around?"**

"**Oh! Of course!" She smiles. "SIDNEY!" She hollers before prancing back to the kitchen, gesturing for me to join. **

**A low thumping sound comes from the hall, and there emerges Sid. **

"**Fucking hell Cass!"**

**Sid is looking well, … like Sid. His beanie is on lop sided, he is only wearing one sock, pajama pants, and his shirt adorns the left overs of several meals. He squints although he's wearing his glasses. Perhaps out of annoyance. "I'm just trying to get her to sleep!"**

**Also, he holds a rather small, rather naked infant. The baby had drool down her chest, and despite the fact that she was also wearing a beanie, hers pink mind you, her smile and big blue eyes are quite reminiscent of her mother. **

"**Well hello Hazel." I coo at the baby. **

"**Take her." Sid urges as he forces the child in my arms and stumbles to the table slumping in his seat. **

"**He's like, the best dad ever." Cassie pushes a slice of apple pie across the table at him. He begins eating it with his hands. "You are you know. Wow," she beams "I'm glad I didn't get knocked up by that guy in Scotland, or the boy from the hospital, remember him?" She turns to Sid "Or that creepy guy on the bus, although he was absolutely magical."**

**I watch on curiously. "Mmm" Sid just nods along in agreement as he eats.**

"**No fork there Sid?" I ask joining him at the table. **

"**Oh we're not using any cutlery at the moment." Cassie explains as she places a slice of pie in front of me as well. "It's not natural you know. Putting that metal in your mouth and all… I can't believe people do that. Its just, wow!" She shakes her head as she seems to contemplate it for a minute. **

**Hazel, their eight month old daughter, babbles happily on my lap as she gnaws my fingers. She doesn't look at all as though she was on the brink of a nap. Maybe it was wishful thinking on Sids part?**

**Sid looks at me apologetically as I pick at the pie with my hand. **

"**I assume that you didn't come for the pie. Lack of cutlery and all." He glares at Cassie from the corner of his eyes. She doesn't notice as she's now busied herself with the dishes. **

"**No actually." I sigh not completely ready to get down to business. "I was hoping to get an ounce. I've got the cash, so I don't need it on credit or anything."**

"**Sorry Em." The two words that I hate hearing come from anyones mouth. "I'm out."**

"**Until when?" I bounce the fussing baby on my knee.**

"**For good." He sighs leaning back in his chair. "I've got a family now." He points to the baby and Cass lazily with a pie covered finger. Cassie appears at the table now with a joint between her fingers. She lights it up and passes it to me. **

"**I picked up from you last week!" I almost screech in disbelief. Ever since I've ever known Cass or Sid one of them has been selling. Cass used to supply Eff and Panda back in Bristol from what I heard until she fled to New York.**

"**I'm turning over a New leaf Ems. I got a proper job now."**

"**Yeah?" **

"**Yup, I'm delivering pizzas uptown. Good gig. Pays well." Cassie smiles at him with pride as he finishes off his pie. **

"**I see." I skeptically take the spliff and pass it to Sid. **

"**I've got a number though, a guy I used to pick up from. I know he'd probably help you out this once. Not really the type of guy you'd want to get mixed up with though."**

"**Honestly I just need some quick cash." Hazel looks up at me with wide blue eyes as she tugs my hair. She's quite a happy baby. "Doesn't have to be a long term thing. I just need some cash to cover books this last semester. Three more months and I'll have a degree."**

"**That's just so great!" Cassie beams as she takes the spliff from Sid. "Wow, isn't that great Sidney?"**

"**Yeah." Sid huffs with some semblance of a smile. "Anyhow, you still alright to sit for Weasel over there Friday night?" More often than not Sid will refer to the baby in such a fashion.**

"**Shit." I curse myself for forgetting "I really would, and you know that I'm usually all there but I have this project, and I've already rescheduled twice. I could ask my sister or Effy."**

"**No!" Sid says quickly. "I'll just cancel."**

"**Oh but I've been waiting months for this! Surely Effy and Katie wouldn't mind. Wow Sid, you're such a worry wart. And besides, you've known Effy all her life!" Cassie chimes in, her desire for a night out obviously outweighing her concern with leaving her child in the hands of Effy Stonem and Katie Fitch. **

"**Ive known Eff since she was a tot and Im not sure I've seen her so much glance at a child." Sid tries to exclaim but his mouth is so full of food it spews onto the table, and the cheek of poor Hazel caught in the cross fire. "not in a way that didn't completely creep me out at least."**

"**I'll see what I can get set up." I wink at Sid as I kiss the top of Hazels beanie. **

**:::**

**Giving the paper a second glance I check it against the address on the building. I don't know how I haven't noticed this place before. As long as I've been getting tattoos in this city and all. It's the only shop still open. Most days I don't make it out until late if at all.**

**Stepping inside the shop is eerily quiet. Elaborate art and intricate designs cover the deep red walls and a blue light glows behind the counter. Beckoning me. Red has always had that affect on me.**

"**How can I help you… Naomi." The voice is deep and raspy. A voice that I've heard before but cant quite place.**

**Ignoring the shivers shooting down my spine I turn to see someone is just inches away from my face. I know her. She allows me to take a second to place her. **

"**Effy?" I finally muster.**

"**Good work." She winks at me as she saunters back behind the counter. "What can I help you with Naomi?" The was she accentuates my name as she says it is odd. But I dismiss it. Emily did say that she is mental, right?**

"**I was thinking about getting a tattoo, but I'm not sure…" I let my voice drift off as I become fascinated with my shoes.**

"**Well," She gestures to the table. She taps her foot expectantly. Slowly. Rhythmically. **

**I sit on the table timidly as I watch Effy prepare the station. Half of me expects a big burly man, with a bald head covered in tattoos to appear and prepare to ink my skin. But as Effy pulls on her gloves she looks at me. Her eyes aren't asking a question. They're waiting for an answer.**

"**I was thinking something free hand."**

**She nods urging me to continue.**

"**A battle. Like-" I chew my lip nervously, "a battle of heaven and hell. Cherubs, and demons. That sort of thing"**

**She nods again. **

"**Where?" Her voice cracks eyeing me up and down before meeting my eyes. **

**Her blue eyes bore into my own. They intimidate me. Not like Sams's do. His beat me down, make me feel weak and helpless. Effy's eyes challenge me. They dare me. **

"**Here." I lift my shirt to where my bruise is near faded. Only up close with a keen eye could you see that anything had been there. **

**She allows her eyes to flick up to mine after she had taken in the spot for a second but doesn't ask any questions.**

"**Alright." She sighs rising from her stool. "We'll probably need more than one session but Ill get started. Lay back then." She urges me with a light hand on my shoulder. "Now these demons. Do you want like gargoyl-"**

"**No!" I say too quickly, although it seems I didn't startle the other girl. "Sorry- I just, I just want them to look more, I don't know, real I guess."**

**She nods as her brow furrows a bit. **

"**I can do that." She muses in a husky voice as she begins to sketch on my skin. **

"**And your reference?" I ask after a moment.**

**She pauses, and I can hear her sigh softly before continuing. Her wispy curls frame her face as she leans over my side but tilts her head to face me fully.**

"**My head."**

**I should get up and run. If anyone had told me three years ago that I was going to tattoo on me the demons from their head while I was on my back on their table I would have fled. Something however makes me trust this girl, … maybe I just want to trust somebody. **

**I nod. **

"**Okay." We sat in silence for awhile as she sketched a rough outline. And then the gun turned on. "Effy?" I ask the girl.**

"**Hmm?" She mumbles trying to keep her focus on the thin black lines she was etching into my skin. **

"**Do you, - I mean would you mind not telling Emily that I was here." She pauses, lets her eyes flick back to me again and then continues.**

**I didn't notice before but now that her arms are bare I see that she has tattoos going up from her wrists, that wrap around her collar bone, and end lord knows where. I generally am a good judge of character, but, for the life of me I cannot seem to figure this girl out. She lets out a low raspy laugh. It was as though her voice caught sandpaper as it was trying to escape her chest.**

"**Why not?" She asks with lips pursed together. **

**I let another long silence pass. The only sound to be heard are the cars rushing about outside. Finally I find the nerve to speak,**

"**Because I'm trouble."**

**Effy stands and busies herself mixing more ink before she returns to her stool. But instead of getting back to work she sits above me and stares out of the window. I let my eye follow the trail of her own but find nothing when they finally land. She seems to be contemplating something, seeing something I'm not. She turns back to me.**

"**We're all trouble Naomi." She exhales before switching her gun back on. "I'll do what you ask, but doesn't mean that you'll never see her again. It's a funny thing."**

**Effy allows her eyes to flicker to the window once more almost dreamily. A small smile casts across her face. **

"**What's a funny thing?" I ask trying to keep my calm whatever unease I felt with the girl. **

_"Fate."_

**She cocks a knowing smile at me and then presses the gun into my skin. **


	3. Outed

**3: ****Outed**

**I wander along the tree lined streets of an unfamiliar neighborhood I wonder who could possibly live behind these doors. Dilopmats? Wall Street tycoons? Throw in a neurosurgeon and a house wife or two and it'd be a party. I glance back down at the address again certain I've made a wrong turn, but I look up in time to find that I've already arrived. **

"**1742 East Evans Ave."**

**The wind whips a fierce gust around me and whistles acutely in my ear. I glance once more behind me, hesitant to enter this new situation. My job can get dirty, you never know just quite what you'll stumble upon. **

**When I approach the stoop I hear shouting and scuffling from the other side of the door. Two people a man and a woman both yelling at one another, well, it was more the man that was doing the yelling. For a moment I hesitate, concerned about walking into a domestic dispute, but something stops me from turning back. If I can just pick up this ounce I can buy my books and finish Uni so then I wont have to keep pushing drugs anymore. Just this once. Mustering up the courage to face the unknown I ring the bell. **

**I hear footsteps trailing toward the door. Confident that someone would soon rescue me from the cold I plunge my bare hand back into the depths of my pockets. I'd fucked off after having to listen to Katie and Effy going at it too long and forgot my gloves on the way out. **

**Before I can steel myself the door flies open and I am face to face with an incredibly large man. He is hot, sweaty, and visibly worked up. He has a few scratches on his neck, and he was adjusting himself in his pants. I can feel his breath on my head from where he towers over me. His eyes are sharp and unpredictable. From behind his beard I can see him lick his lips as he looked me up and down. I feel my skin crawl under his gaze as he non so subtly sums me up. **

"**Who the fuck are you?" He asks me taking a long drag from his fag. **

**Once again I am surprised by his familiar accent. I know that he has been a friend, er well and **_**acquaintance **_**of Sid, but he surely would have said something if it was somebody that he knew from home. **

"**I'm-" My voice catches in the throat "I'm Emily. Friend of Sids…"**

"**Sid" The man scoffs before hocking a ball of phlegm into the snow. He wipes his nose on the back of his hands grotesquely. "Sids a proper cunt now isn't he. Went to slinging pizza I heard. And that girl of his, rather batty aint she." His voice is deep and raspy and smells of alcohol. "Tightest snatch for miles." He adds however as an afterthought.**

"**Well I was hoping you could help me out." I breathe out trying to regain my confidence. "I've got cash so I can pay you up front."**

**He takes another drawl from his fag as he contemplates my offer. I see his shoulders drop and he pivots backwards into the house gesturing me to follow. **

**I would never expect the house to be as pristine as it is, what with the owner looking like he stumbled out of a crack den. Everything was immaculate, and it smelled of Christmas. I forgot it was sneaking up. I've got to remember to grab a gift for James. Edible panties or something should do him just fine, and piss of Jenna well enough. **

"**You've got a beautiful home." I muse as I follow him up a flight of stairs. **

**The house is beautiful by modern tastes, not quite my cup of tea however. I prefer a little more clutter… a few more signs of life. **

"**So clean." I continue as I run my hand along the surface of the table. **

**We enter a large living room where he guestures for me to sit down on a large plush sofa. He sits across from me in a equally large arm chair. **

"**Well enough cleaning in here to keep the wife busy." Wife? I can never imagine being married to a man this detestable.**

**He reaches down the the side of his seat and pulls out a rather large suitcase, and unzips the top. The bag was full of jars of weed and bricks and bricks of other various drugs. I cant help but be impressed. "So." He leans back in his chair lighting up a pipe, a pipe full of god knows what… "Pick your poison red."**

**I sigh as I take it all in. Pills, powders, black tar, lined the case. I silently thank myself that I haven't brought Effy with me on this particular run.**

"**Just the spliff."**

**He nods at me, an evil smile plays on his lips. **

"**If you say so." He winks at me as he digs around in his bag. "Fuck." He mutters placing the pipe back on the table. **

"**Everything alright?" I ask peeking around the suitcase to find the source of his frustration. He didn't answer me however. He didn't even seem to hear me as he dug furiously around his bag. **

"**Babe!" He calls down a back hall. "BABE!" The second time he screamed it was louder, more threatening. **

**I hear a scuffle in the hallway and a door slam. Not sure what to expect of this woman I focus on my hands as I have suddenly become rather interested in my cuticles. **

"**Do you really have to scream Sam?" **

**That voice, … I'd heard that voice before. In fact I could never forget it. I allow my head to raise from my lap and meet the eyes of the girl in front of me. Despite my suspicion I was unprepared for my eyes to fall on the girl. Judging from the fact that her own eyes were wide with surprise I can imagine that she felt similarly. But there were other things in those deep blue pools, other feelings. The first I could recognize was fear, the second happiness. She chews the side of her lip nervously.**

**I take a second to survey her appearance. Her tank top is oversized and you can see her collarbone jutting from its neck line. Shes ringing her hands nervously as she diverts her eyes to the floor. I catch a glimpse of a fresh bruise on her cheek and the beginnings of one around her eye.**

**This guy, who I'm now assuming is Sam pays us no mind as he continues to rummage through his bag. **

"**I cant find my FUCKING SCALE Naoms! Where the fuck did you put it?" He springs up from his chair and grabs her roughly by the arm. I jump to my feet when I see him grab her. Inside I'm fuming, but the entire situation seems too far out of my control. **

**She cowers under him, at this point they are nearly nose to nose. Naomi attempts to cover herself with her free arm. He yanks her around like a rag doll. If he does this to her in front of someone I shutter to think what he is capable of doing behind closed doors. **

"**It- it was, you took it to the club o-on Thursday r-remember love?" Her voice is so small, so scared. It makes my stomach turn to hear her refer to him as **_**love. **_**There is nothing loveable about this man. There is nothing **_**tolerable **_**about this man. **

"**No," He shouts a mere inches from her face "No I don't recall that Naomi, unless you're trying to stiff me out of-"**

"**Im not trying to stiff you out of shit Sam." She challenges him **

**As soon as I see him raise his hand I spring towards him only to be shoved backwards before his hand connected to her cheek. Her head lulls to the side like a small child. I can't see her face because it is hidden by her hair. **

"**Don't you put your fucking hands on her!" I yell as I charge towards him again and give him a forceful shove to catch his attention.**

**How the fuck had I ended up in this position? Out of all of the people, and houses, and drug dealers in New York this is where I have ended up with the one person I feared that I would never see again. **

"**Fuck off Red." He uses his spare arm to push me back like I was nothing. For a man his size I guess I'm not however. **

"**Naoms." I say through gritted teeth, my voice hoarse. I reach to the girl holding my arm out for her. Willing for her to take it, willing for her to stand up to this monster. **

**When she looks at me it breaks me. Her face is red and flushed from crying, and her arm is bent by his firm grip at a terrible angle as he holds her body to his chest. Her chest is heaving rapidly as she struggles against him. **

"**You should go." I hear her small voice break from under his grip**

"**You heard her." Was all that Sam said, staring menacingly at me. **

**I cannot believe this. How can Naomi live here with him? He is a monster, and she is so smart, and beautiful, and amazing. Something doesn't quite add up. **

**I hesitate for a second, thinking, hoping that she may change her mind. Hoping that she realizes that shes better than this. Better than this situation that's only bound to get far worse. But I see her face, and shes pleading with me. Pleading to let her be, and then I realize that I may be the thing that could make it worse. I could be the catalyst that would completely dissipate her fragmented life. Her blue eyes snap shut from where she is restrained by a man much bigger than she or I, and I spin on my heels. I head for the door. **

"**Oh yeah red?" I hear Sam say to my back as I take my leave. I glace over my shoulder to see him twist Naomis arm back, hard, she let out a loud wail. "You saw nothing, … you have no idea what I'm capable of. In a second I could take down your entire world. I promise." He hisses, and something tells me that he's not kidding. My mind flashes back to Sid telling me that this guy was not someone to be messed with. "Don't fuck with me."**

**I glance to Naomi one more time, … find her looking away. With a sinking feeling I hoist my bag over my shoulder and head for the door. I cant once more muster up the courage to look back.**

**NAOMIS POV**

**The one thing that I can't stand about this city is the damn cold. It's not the cute cold that nips your ears and turns the tip of your nose red, it's the cold that burries your car with snow, and freezes the stray animals in the park. I'll brave it though. I'll brave anything to get out of that house for even a minute. **

**I am twenty three years old and I have lived in the states for the past four years… ever since I've been married to Sam. We were wed in Bristol and then I as the new bride was promptly swept to America. Never in my life did I think I'd be married at nineteen, never in my life did I think I would leave my home, never in my life did I think my life would end up like this because of a drug debt gone bad. **

**It hurts to move my jaw. Sam is anything but gentle, but I can push him out of my mind now. He's gone on business for the next three weeks. Left me with the house, and while there are a few of his goons left to look after me I can pretty much do as I please. **

**Shaking the snow off of my coat I step into the familiar parlor.**

"**Look what the cat dragged in." Effy breathes out as she rises from her chair and makes her way around the counter toward me. Her eyes stay trained on mine as she approaches me. **

**I had a plan when I came here. I have to find Emily, but something in the moment is preventing me from gathering the words. **

"**Your face." Effys brow furrows as she inches closer. **

"**I fell wh-" I begin to string together a lie but she cuts me off**

"**Don't fucking lie to me Naomi! Besides, Emily told me." She shrugs as she retreats to a couch and gestures for me to follow. When I sit she pulls two beers from the mini fridge and tosses one to me. "Not to say that I wouldn't have known anyway. Looks like somebody took a bat to your face." She leans back on the couch, while pulling her legs under herself, like an expectant child. "Why did you come here Naomi?"**

"**I- I was hoping you could tell me where to find Emily. Your flat was empty and I didn't know where else to look." I ramble before taking a long sip from the bottle. The tattoo parlor was eerie and dim, I assume it must be the way that Effy likes it. **

"**Why should I do that?" She challenges me cocking a brow in my direction**

**I sigh dropping my head into my hands.**

"**What- what Emily saw today, I- I never meant-"**

"**You never meant for her to see you getting the shit beat out of you is that it?" She questions allowing one brow to cock up**

"**It's not that simple."**

"**Really?" She questions again quickly allowing a line of smoke to billow from her lips. Her eyes bore into me.**

"**Yes really." I stutter aware of how lame I sound. **

"**Well then enlighten me." **

**Something about Effy, despite her nonchalance, and even outside of her words is slowly pushing me to the truth I have held onto so tight for so long. **

"**Why should I?"**

"**Because I know where Emily is, and you need somebody to talk to." She shrugs. Yes, the most obvious conclusion in the world.**

"**How the hell do you think that you know what I need?"**

"**I know more than a lot of other people."**

"**Fuck you Effy." I get up to leave but her hand on my arm pulls me back, causes me to flinch. Bruise from last week. I'll never tell her that though. She pulls out a spliff and sparks it up. I'm happy because maybe it will make this conversation easier.**

"**So who's this guy?" She asks casually as she blows a long stream of smoke from her mouth. She leans back on the couch patiently. Her feigned disinterest is almost making this easy.**

"**My husband." I state simply, trying to mock Effys calm. Failing miserably. **

"**Oh?" She cocks a brow**

"**Yeah. We've been married nearly four years." I speak the words confidently. That's the only thing confident about me now. Facts. Don't ask me what I feel or what I think or what I know. It's been too long since I've been allowed an opinion.**

"**Do you love him?" Her next question was simple, direct. But I could answer, based on fact.**

"**No."**

**She nods again. Not surprised. **

"**But you're with him because?" Her eyes are boring directly into mine. Its like when you have been digging and finally hit that hard surface the bottom. Instead of finding a treasure chest however, Effy had found Pandoras box. **

"**It's complicated." Half arsed as the answer was it's the best that I have, well without getting Effy too involved**

"**He hits you. Doesn't sound complicated to me." She shrugs blowing her smoke into perfect little O's. **

**No comment**

"**Do you like it?" She asks after a second**

"**What- No, who- why would anybody" I look at her incredulously before I see a look cross her face,**

"**I liked it. Well I did at least. Boyfriend back home, asked him to though. Never looked quite like you though." She gestures me with her cigarette, her eyes for the first time meet the floor.**

"**Why?"**

"**Needed to feel I guess. Wanted to. I blamed myself… things were different then." As her eyes flick up to me I see that they are once again clouded in mystery. Something that I hate to admit but I can relate to. **

"**Blamed yourself? For what?"**

"**Too much." She passes me a spliff from the coffee table. "Anyhow after I gave him permission he took his own… liberties shall I say."**

"**But you left." I ask more hopefully than pointedly.**

"**He left." She abruptly corrects me "But you Naomi, you want to leave."**

"**How do you know?" My lip pulls itself between my teeth. I gnaw so terribly anxious I nearly draw blood. **

"**Because you do." I hear her words but don't see her face. It is almost as though shes speaking to me through her subconscious.**

**I nod, I can feel my walls start to crumble as memories flash before my eyes, drudging their way to the surface, seeping through my skin. My insides were crawling out of me, and it feels like just a matter of time before I am inside out.**

"**Why'd you marry him?"**

**I contemplate the answer. There was no simple one to give, and I give myself a bit more credit that to lie to another about ever having loved him. It seems that life just happened, and before I knew it everything had gotten out of hand. So long I've been grasping at straws, Straws that were freedom, and peacefulness, and home in an attempt to salvage a bit of myself. Just a bit, but it is to no avail. I can sneak into the street occasionally late at night, or go to the bookstore when Sam is gone, but he always comes back. It's always the same.**

"**He- … we, I mean my best friend and I got into some trouble growing up. James was my foster brother, I was sent to live with him. Sam is his cousin, a bit older than us you know. We started working for him to get some extra money to get out of the house, eventually we did it too, we ran away. I was going to college but James had just kinda fucked it all off you know? He was working for Sam, and getting into some really terrible shit." **

**I sigh before continuing. Though I cant see Effys eyes I feel them on me. Dissecting me and ready to pounce at any sign of deception. The words flow from my chest that I have never spoken aloud… the story that I am less that confidant I can articulate with the precision that it deserves.**

"**Not to say that I was not a part of any of it all, but for Cook it became his life. He made a bad deal or two, owed Sam more money than most people make in a year- something with trying to smuggle and loosing the car and the drugs was as much as I gathered. It was trafficking see. James can be so arrogant, and reckless, and impulsive but he would have given anything for me. He looked out for me you know? Sam knew that I loved him more than anything, he was the only family I'd ever had. That's why he used it against us. Told me if I married him and left with him that he would let James off. I didn't believe him until he had him at his knees with a gun to his head. I agreed… Cook never knew why I left. I'm sure he couldn't fathom that I'd fallen for Sam, but it was all set up too well… I cant get his face out of my mind when he walked in and…- well, I haven't seen James since that night."**

**And that was it. The long story made short, made light, made simple. The story omits how Cook and I shared our first spliff when we were ten and had the entire Christmas feast to ourselves because his mom passed out in the turkey… left out how Cook spent time in juvie for bashing some kids face in who was taunting me at a party… left out how he when he was gone his cousin Sam took a fondness toward me… left out how Cook couldn't always be there to protect me… how Sam didn't need to marry me to have me, he took what he wanted on his own. He got his power however by making me give in, making me agree to be his alone. **

**Effy sits for a moment with her brow furrowed, She seems to be deep in thought as her eyes trail along the filter of her freshly lit cigarette. Her haunting eyes pay me no attention. After a second her shoulders drop and she springs to her feet. **

"**So you for the lost goods then?" Effy asks cocking her brow**

**I shrug.**

**I know, me for all of that money doesn't seem like much of a fair trade does it? But truth is that it was never about the money. Their family had enough of that to run a small nation. It was about James, and Sam and their damn pride. It was about Sam taking away the only thing that mattered to his cousin and dangling it in front of his face. But Sam is cruel, and he is dangerous. And what's worse is that he has resources. **

"**Well come on then." **

**I rise alongside her much too hastily. I watch anxiously as she grabs her leather coat, too thin for the winter, from the back of the couch and slings it over her shoulder. **

"**Where are we going?" I ask as she strides across the room and flicks off the lights. **

**Effy casts a quick look over her shoulder at me and smirks knowingly as she begins to open the door. She doesn't say a word, she just knows simply Ill follow. **

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys! Thanks again for all of the reviews and favs! Part of the story was revealed, but that's just the start. Next chapter Naomily back together, ... and much Keffy too. Hope you all enjoyed!<br>**


	4. Snow

**Thank you guys as always for your feedback and reviews!**

***two hands two feet  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: Snow<strong>

**Effy: **

"**You're home early." Her voice breaks out from the living room as my company and I stroll inside. **

"**Slow night" I sigh tugging the cigarette from my lips as I lean over the back of the couch and place a quick kiss on Katies lips. **

"**Go figure, what with the weather being complete shit and all. I swear if Emily doesn't give me the money for those rounds I've been helping her with then I may have to resort to stealing from her closet and I don't know if even I am skilled enough to make any sense out of the lezza fashion nightmare that she has mistaken for a wardrobe." Katie rambles off having yet to notice Naomis presence.**

"**Mmm." I muse grabbing three beers from the fridge. "Or, hows about we use that money to pay up on our gas bill so our heat wont get turned off again, or do you not recall last winter?"**

**Out of all of the things that nearly pushed me over the edge last winter is well near the top of the list. That does include my brother getting hit by a bus, my parents divorcing, several overdoses, and an ultimate mind fuck at the hands of my shrink. Me, Katie, and Emily had thought it smart to move in with Sid and Cass, to save money and all. Turns out that hadn't been the best idea. Everyone just stayed spiffed up, and Ems nearly burned the flat down, and I got stuck in my head again. Guess we all fared better than Cass however, she got knocked up trying to "stay warm."**

"**Back so soon?" A familiar, slightly raspier voice calls out from the back of our flat.**

**I nod Naomi into the living room and pass her a beer. She sits awkwardly in the arm chair in the corner picking her thumbs, and becoming very interested with the beer label.**

"**What the FUCK is she doing here?" Katie hisses turning to me wide eyed, "And what the fuck happened to her face?" She continues turning back to Naomi "Looks like someones taken a mallet to-"**

"**I **_**am **_**in the room you realize?" Naomi speaks up looking up to meet Katies eye. Katie looks slightly taken aback. Im not though. Figures this girls got some spunk.**

"**What's going on?" Emily asks entering the room. **

**Naomi looks nervous, and Katie puzzled. I on the other hand don't see any use reacting. This situation is bound to play out as it will, so I do what I do best. I watch. **

"**Naoms." I see Emily take a step toward the girl only to stop sort before looking down at her own feet. Her arms are crossed across her chest in a failed attempt at nonchalance. "What are you doing here?"**

**Naomi stutters a bit before she speaks. **

"**Effy brought me here." I can feel Katies eyes fuming into the side of my head but I keep my own trained on the girls. "I- I wanted to see you." Naomi rises to her feet and takes a step toward Emily. This is our cue. **

"**Come on Kate." I grab her gently by the arm in attempt to give these two their privacy. This is bound to be a lengthy conversation.**

"**Where the fuck are you going?" She asks as I slip on my jacket and toss her her own.**

**I smirk back at her innocently, as she has no idea what I'd gone and signed us up for. **

"**We're sitting for Sid and Cass, and if that clock is anywhere near correct we are already late."**

"**Well go fuck off then because I never agreed to that. I refuse to spend my Friday night-"**

**Sometimes I can take it, the rants and the blowups. Mostly I find it endearing, just another fucking charm of Katie Fucking Fitch. The one thing about Katie however is that she hasn't quite realized that the world wont stop spinning if she doesn't get her way. A point Ive been trying to beat into her head. Thus she is oblivious to the thick air of tension thundering though the room… a storm brewing that could take down everything in its path. Love is a funny sort of thing. **

"**GET UP YOU DOZY BITCH!" I march across the room yanking Katie to her feet with one hand. She pouts like a small child and crosses her arms over her chest. Her brown eyes snap up to mine, defiant but yielding. She gives me a small smirk, and agitated eye roll. I place a chaste kiss on her lips. She returns the gesture before slipping on her coat. **

"**At least I can buy some new shoes with the money." Katie sings as she prances to the door.**

**I cough as I pull the cigarette between my lips.**

"**Gigs free."**

"**What?" Katie exclaims allowing her handbag to fall to the floor dramatically. **

**In two strides I am across the room and we are nose to nose. **

"**Gigs free." I repeat. I keep my eyes locked with hers, allow the electricity I'm feeling surge from my body straight into hers. I hear her breath hitch as I lean into her slightly. "Sid's practically my brother!"**

"**Well," Her voices quakes out, "I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me." Her eyes roam me over lingering on my chest, before meeting my eyes again. I grab her by the back of the neck and pull her lips to mine. **

"**Soon as we walk back in this door I'll rough you up proper." I smirk at her turning on my heels. "Just the way you like!" I singsong as I head out the door. I stood in the hall for a second waiting, breathing deeply in preparation for what I knew was to come. Seconds later I am met in the hall by Katie slamming me against the wall and thrusting her thigh between my legs… **

**Sid and Cass can wait a bit longer I suppose. **

**Emily:**

**She sits eyes fixed on the floor, hands shaking like a leaf. I can hear her breathing from across the room. Its heavy. I still haven't moved from the spot in the doorway. There are so many things I want to say, questions that I want to ask but I don't know where to start.**

"**What the fuck was that today Naoms?" I didn't mean it to come out as angry as it did, or judgmental even. **

**She lets her eyes linger outside where the snow was falling heavily. **

"**They say this may be the snow storm of the century."**

"**Don't fucking change the topic Naomi. Why are you here?"**

**Tugging her lip between her teeth she takes a second to speak. **

"**Be-" she sighs before continuing "Because I wanted to see you."**

"**You wanted to see me?" I scoff, sounding more cruel than I intend. "So what? Are we pretend this afternoon didn't happen? He was hitting you Naomi!" Lamely stating the obvious**

**And then it happened. It had been a long time before I saw a person shatter before my eyes, but as I watch the pieces fall I want nothing more than to be the one to put them back together. She begins to sob as she drops her head in her hands shielding her face. Hiding. **

"**Hey, Naoms look at me." I rush across the room and kneel in front of the chair. "Look at me." I say again firmly **

**And she does. Her eyes, I cant help but sink into them. Im taken aback by the intense flash of blue… blue that could break me. Has. The blue that has broken me. It takes a second for me to catch my breath, but I had to. For her.**

"**Atta girl." I wipe a tear from her tear stained cheek, careful of course of the dark blue bruise below her eye. **

"**Emily, you don't have to-"**

"**Hey." I stop her. "I want to help Naoms. You just have to be honest with me. Can you do that?"**

**She sighs as I take her shaking hands in my own. **

"**I don't want to put you in danger." **

**What kind of trouble could she have gotten mixed up in that got so bad?**

"**I'm a big girl." I raise to my feet with her hand still in mine "now please, talk to me."**

**Growing up is an odd phenomenon. It happens so gradually and yet for most of us, for me at least I can pinpoint the moment in my life when things change. When I've learned, when I've been hurt in a way that will never be reconciled. Looking at this girl I feel something in me change… if only I could say what. **

**:**

**:**

**:**

**Effy**

"**It's really coming down out there." I watch on as Katie stares out the window of Sid and Cassies flat. Their apartment is beautiful really. They quite lucked out, sure it's small but as far as neighborhoods in this city you couldn't get this place for this price. Luckily for Sid and Cass a double murder had been committed in these walls and nobody else would take it. **

**There is a change in the air tonight. A shift of things is to come, I can feel it. Katie cradles the baby in her arms as she stares down to the street below. Its beautiful, the night, the girl. The streetlight casts a glow across Katies face as she turns to face me. **

"**Come look, yeah?" She urges me**

**I stalk across the room and toward the window. Katie has me split. Though I am completely enamored by her, half of my heart belongs to the side of her that is feisty, short tempered and relentless. When Katie believes in something her word is gospel. She is strong and fiercely independent, though she doesn't know it. The other half of me belongs to this side of her, this Katie that nobody else ever sees. The caring, compassionate vixen. Doesn't matter I guess though. No matter which side of her rears its head I want her by my side. **

"**Its beautiful." I watch as her eyes wander back out down onto the street. "Do you ever think this will be us Eff?" She asks turning again toward me and then looking down at Hazel. "Do you ever think that we'll ever have normal lives?"**

**I shrug, but only because I don't want to say out loud the truth that we both know. Our lives are never going to be normal, …and things are likely to get worse before they get better. **

"**Spliff?" I offer Katie, trading the baby for the roll in my hand**

"**Of course." **

"**I think its her bedtime." I bounce the baby awkwardly on my hip. She coos up at me smiling with the big blue eyes and deranged smile that could only be mirrored by her mother. All things considered however, Hazel is a gorgeous baby. **

**What Cass nor Sid knew is that I have absolutely no experience with babies, well, Sid likely figures as much. Hazel is in fact the only child that I've ever so much as held. My plan to make this babysitting venture a success rests solely on Katie and any experience that she'd had with her younger brother James. Lots of thirteen year old girls in my year had made money babysitting and things of the sort. I was to busy fucking and getting fucked to do that sort of thing, though in hindsight I cannot imagine I'd have changed it.**

"**Well put her to bed then." Katie shrugs sitting back on the couch leaving me standing in the middle of the room with a wide eyed baby girl. Katie nurses the spliff a second before handing it to me. I take it carefully trying to balance the spliff and baby. Taking a drag I pass it back to Katie. **

**I venture to Cassie and Sids room which was also where Hazel conveniently sleeps. The room is quite small, which is no surprise for this city. Against one wall was a full sized bed and then stuffed on the opposite side of the bed was Hazel's bassinet leaving a small isle in between. As soon as I place her in her bassinet she reaches up at me and her bottom lip quivers. **

**Babies intimidate the shit out of me. She looks at me wide eyed and on the brink of tears. **

"**Now go to sleep Hazel." I sing to the baby. "It's fun! I promise! Cool things'll happen in your dreams. Now sleep." I smile at her cheesy and wide, she smiles back at me that big goofy grin. "You're going to make me look like a proper tool aren't you?" **

**:**

**:**

**:**

**Naomi**

**Never did I imagine that I would have the overwhelming urge to protect someone the way that I do Emily, the same what that I had done for James. I also never thought that I would want to protect someone from myself. I was always the girl with a cause, the girl who fought for something. It's just been so long since I've known what I stood for. **

"**So you're telling me that your family has no idea where you are?" Emily asks where she sat beside me. We had been chatting over tea for what seemed like hours. Somewhere in that time I had spilled to her my secret. I told her how I was blackmailed by Sam into marrying him and moving into the states. I told her about how I had seen him shoot people in the knee caps, and numerous people that he defaced. I told her one thing that we both know. Money is the backbone of civilization, and with it you could get away with murder… and he had**

"**Don't have any family." I sip on my tea. Her eyes are on me, I can feel them. I don't want her pity. That's the last thing that I want. "My mum- well… she was really young and it just wasn't what she wanted you know?"**

**I had known my mother. I had loved my mother… now in hindsight it was a one sided sort of love. I adored her with the naivety of a child. She may have been gone for days at a time, and brought strange men around, or made me shove food in my coat when we went to the store but she was my everything. **

"**She was, lord" I sigh thinking for a moment "what? About 16 probably when I was born. Never knew my Dad. My mums parents kicked her out when they found out about me. I lived with her until I was about seven… and then she was just gone."**

"**Gone?" Emily asks sitting her mug down on the table.**

**I remember waiting at school. She was three hours late to pick me up and the last teacher was becoming agitated but she waited with me. I waited wringing my mud caked hands scratching my lice infested hair. Mum had never cared if I showered. We rarely had running water.**

"**One day she just never came back." I shrugged "It's okay though."**

"**And James, where's he?"**

"**James, he's none the wiser. I tried… I tried to find him, write him anything after we left. The letters got returned, Sam found them. I got two black eyes. After that I tried the internet, nothing. That pretty much ended that. Chances are knowing James he's locked up in some Spanish prison. The last lead I had on him was in Spain you see." I explain**

"**Sorry, I really hate to bombard you with twenty questions, but you're not seriously going to go back to Sam right?"**

"**He wont let me go. I know too much… but being with him… any man- gah, its too much." I cringe inwardly at the thought. **

**I let my nose curl up in disgust as I turn to Emily with a smile.**

"**Any man huh?"**

"**Any man." I reaffirm with a nod**

"**So you're gay then?"**

"**As a window."**

"**You?"**

"**Do you even have to ask?"**

**:**

**:**

**:**

"**What the fuck is going on in here I told you to put the baby to sleep not torture her!"**

**I storm in the room to find Effy slumped on the bed, head in hands defeated. She looks up at me eyes wild and alarmed. Never in the entire time that I have known Effy have I seen her look so spent. And she looked stunning. **

"**I tried." She shrugs as Hazel continues to rage on from her bassinet. "I covered her with a blanket, and I gave her the stuffed pig, I pretended to sleep too, and I even tried to sing to her! Turns out I know no lullabies."**

"**So what'd you sing her?"**

"**Tic tok."**

"**Kesha?"**

"**It's your damn fault for poluting my ears with that shit! I wouldn't have even known what a Kesha was if it weren't for all of that top forty bullshit that you pollute my ears with." Effy fumes**

**Leave it to Effy to wear the most scandalous outfit even in the freezing cold. I grin down at her, still feeling the buzz of the spliff a bit. **

"**Well did you try picking her up?" I chide Effy who looks at me blankly. "Come the fuck on Eff!"**

"**I am not going to indulge her behavior." She crosses her hands over her chest and leans back on the bed. **

**Stubborn she is. But I am worse.**

"**You cant act so victimized by a baby Eff, Pick her up!"**

"**No!" Effy looks between me and the baby wildly. **

"**Fucks sake Eff, she doesn't have claws and fangs, do it!" I pinch the inside of her arm quickly, a tactic that always worked for Emily. Effy however is not that easy.**

"**Ow Katie! Fuck off!" She fumes as she plays nurse to her barely tender skin that she is feigning hurts **_**so bad.**_

**That was it. Did she really come here and expect me to do all of the work? Well fuck her then!**

"**Pick up that child right now Elizabeth Fucking Stonem or I swear I will walk out of that door this moment!"**

**Effy hesitated for a second as she stared me down. Checking to see that I was bluffing… she wasn't so lucky. Taking a deep breath slowly she rises from the bed. She wont make eye contact with me. Her pride wont allow it. She picks up the baby and holds her against her side. As the baby starts to fuss and arch her back Effy looks increasingly uncomfortable.**

**I guess that it makes sense if I think about it. Effy thrives on emotion, whether its withheld or on the surface, but it dictates her entire being. Babies put it all out there, it's all coming at once so it's a lot to take in and paired with whatever the fuck is going on in her head go figure she's overwhelmed. So she did what she does best when the world gets to much for her. She shuts down. And that's where I step in. It's kinda become our thing.**

"**You've never put a baby to bed before?"**

"**Are you insane Katie, who the FUCK would ever hand me a baby?"**

"**I don't see who wouldn't. You've got two arms and at least half a brain." I smile content not to push her further as she had already given in a bit. "Here." I grab her stiff arm and help her shift Hazel back in her arms so she was lying horizontal against her chest. **

**Effys eyes nearly bugged out of her head as the baby nuzzled against her chest and placed her hand over her breast. **

"**Oh hell no Katie take it, take it!" Effys eyes were wild and panicked, obviously put on edge by being cuddled by a baby in that way. By being touched in that was by somebody who doesn't want anything in return. **

"**Calm down Eff, she probably just needs a bottle."**

"**So what? She's got to gnaw my tit! It'd be more polite to just ask."**

**She looks stunning, panic ridden like that as her unruly curls frame her face. Her striking blue eyes soften as she sees me watching her, grinning, with my lip tugged between my teeth. Were she not holding Hazel I would ravage her that second on Sid and Cass's bed.**

"**I'll get the bottle." I stride across the room quickly and give her a chaste kiss on the cheek.**

**I run to the kitchen to get a bottle, and realize that we have yet to check in with Sid and Cass. I decide its best to phone them before I head back to the bedroom.**

"**Hello, who's this?" I hear Sid scream over the sound of a pretty fierce beat**

"**Katie!"**

"**Katie?"**

"**Yea Sid its me!"**

"**Ah Katie! What's going on?"**

"**Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to know what time to expect you back through? Snows getting really bad and all."**

"**Did Eff not get Cass's text?"**

"**Cass's text?"**

**There is a brief fumbling of the phone and suddenly it was a woman on the other end.**

"**Oh Katie WOW! I must've forgotten to pass the message to you all. It seems as if the snow is covering the tracks and theres no bus or tube service for the night. Say it's going to be a proper blizzard."**

"**Well what the fuck are we supposed to do?"**

"**There's, haha Sid stop" She mumbles between words "Sorry Katie you still there?"**

"**Yeah I'm fucking here!" I practically scream into the line. At this point my head is sunk on my arm on the counter. Forecast for my night isn't looking too sunny.**

"**Well Katie, there is about an ounce of spliff under the sink you guys can help yourselves to, and whatever else you can find. Wow, I mean, as long as you don't look under the bed. Katie remember, not under the bed."**

**Of course Cass, offer us up your stash when we're watching your kid. **

"**Got it Cass. Not under the bed."**

"**The performance was absolutely lovely, we just went out for a bit after next to the hotel and here we are. My phones dying though. I've got to go! Give Hazel a million kisses from her mum ey? I'm about to go get fucked, lots of pills about you know! I'll phone you tomorrow Katie!" **

**Click,**

"**Cass? … Cass?" Gah. I resist every urge to throw my phone across the room. "I will not freak the fuck out, I will not freak the fuck out."**

**I cant though. Effy is relying on me to hold it together tonight, whether she's willing to admit it or not. Taking a deep breath I grab a bottle for the baby from the counter and head back to the bedroom.**

"**You did alright, see?" I cock my head to the side and give her a rare smile as I hold out the bottle to her. **

"**Hear from Sid or Cass? I think I left my phone at our flat." Eff breathes out as she tries to force to bottle between the babys lips.**

**As Effy rocks the baby awkwardly and tries to feed her the bottle Hazels eye lids began to droop. As she drifts off to sleep I can see Effy trying to suppress a smile. Not a smirk, or a here one second gone the next smile that she is so notorious for. It's a real smile creeping to the surface. **

"**Yeah and uh, by the way, … we're snowed in."**

**:**

**:**

**:**

"**A sculptor eh?" Her eyes twinkle as she watches me work "A timeless art form no?"**

"**So I've heard."**

"**I don't know how I didn't notice this set up before." **

**She ventures over to my "studio" which is in truth just a corner of my room I have converted and removed anything of value so I can experiment as I please.**

"**Yeah, I am working on my final project for school. Trying to get a head start. It's my final semester so…"**

"**I didn't realize you were a student." She eased her way toward the corner of my room littered with a pottery wheel and numerous sculpting tools and different materials.**

"**Mmm hum. I go to the school of visual arts."**

"**Mmm" Naomi muses. "I like a smart girl."**

"**Yeah?" **

"**Yeah."**

**I watch as she stands and makes her way over to my tools, lightly fingering one here or there. Guessing their purpose I suppose. A small smile graces her lips at every new discovery that she stumbles upon. Her eyes ask questions sometimes, though she never voices them.**

"**I never thought I would see you again."**

"**I know. I didn-" She sighs "I'm sorry."**

"**It's crazy" Sometimes I let my feelings get the best of me, but it's worked so far. Throwing things out there and seeing what sticks. I've had to grow some balls Katie being my twin and all. There was a time when I used to let myself get pushed around. Those days are over though.**

"**What?"**

"**The way that I feel about you." I confess "I felt like I lost something that I had never even had, and that's crazy."**

"**No Ems, you're not crazy." She rejoins me on the bed "I'm the raging lesbo posing as the perfect house wife. Dinner on the table by 5 pm, cleaning rounds all day, running the dry cleaning… being the submissive woman… I thought I had more self respect then to let myself become nothing more than a trophy, or better yet a punching bag." She rejoins me on the bed.**

"**Naoms! You ended up in a shit situation but you did it to protect your family. Now everything that Sam has done is completely FUCKED but something tells me that you havent given up on yourself." grabs hand kisses the top softly "you wouldn't be here if you had."**

**Her eyes pop up to meet mine. Searching for deception, hoping that I am genuine. Not fully trusting, but trying. And that's as good a start as any. **

"**You scare the shit out of me you know?" She tugs her lip between my teeth as her eyes fall to our conjoined hands. **

"**I know."**

**Suddenly my phone violently vibrates beside us on my bed. The moment is lost as Naomi allows her hand to fall away, and fixes her gaze out of the window. I see Katies name flash across the screen. Were Katie and Effy not incharge of another life for the night I wouldn't pick it up, but my conscious is telling me I'd better.**

"**You okay?"**

**Naomi asks as I hang up. I roll my eyes and fall back onto my bed.**

"**Yeah, that was Katie. We've been summoned to Sid and Cassies."**

"**Sid and Cassie?" Naomi asks, quirking a brow.**

"**I'll explain on the way." **


	5. Canvas

****Dear god please dont shoot me. No excuse except for lack of a precious little thing called time, and a spell of writers block. Im working on this again and two chicks so there should be an update for that one soon as well (which you should check out if you havent). Hopefully people are still reading and I apologize for the lapse.

BlondieRedOrangeModed, thanks so much!

Alright, so until next time

xoxo two hand two feet

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 : Canvas<strong>

**In my life I have been described as many things. Loner, outcast, introverted, and socially inept have been the most common consensus. Were you to ask me, which consequently nobody ever has, I'm not sure that I can describe myself as much more than manic. Mentally at least. Quite opposite of their theories. I hide behind a neutural countenance but my mind races and pulses with ideas and theories and doubt and scenarios never destined to play out however, they haunt every waking moment of my being. And thus, they are condemned to paper. **

**Never in my life did I have anyone to talk to, anyone that gave me the time of day, … well until James that was. Hours on end I would spend in some home or another spilling my heart out through pen and paper… it was the only confidant I had. After everything that happened with James I thought it was the only one I would ever have again. Then Sam took that away too.**

**Somewhere I honestly believe that madness breeds brilliance, … not to say that I am so stuck on myself to confuse my own works, or thought process for that matter, for a stroke of genius. I guess what I mean to say is that there is something to be said for the moment when you lose all control of your brain and your likeness even, and you just let your intuition and instinct take control. You allow yourself to divulge all of your feelings, thoughts, and minds in the purest most vulnerable form. When I write, it is almost as I have no control of my body, or surroundings, or feelings (which I guess is true to a certain extent) and I become a different me entirely. I would like to reiterate that I am however, still myself. Just the stripped down portion. The real portion. The me that doesn't care which background I came from, or that I was abandoned by the only people who ever loved me, or the me that has existed in this world for so long all by them self. I become me as fact. **

**I don't have to justify my controversial feelings on relevant matters as I can portray them through the outlook of another, all the while sympathizing with the opposite end by putting myself in their shoes as well. Writing, reading, and all that encompass the sort have been invaluable over the years… What I have to figure out is how to incorporate those lessons, and those concepts in my life as my own likeness. As my own being. In real life you cannot write another persons response to a scenario, and you cannot fabricate the feeling of security and acceptance that you would wish for when you divulge your soul. You simply just have to let things be… and that has never been easy for me.**

"**Thank god you're finally here!" Katie whines as she ushers us into the flat. **

"**What do you mean thank god? Katie, it's been ten minutes!" Emily complains checking her wrist watch for added effect. I myself am content to stand in the corner, arms wrapped protectively around my chest.**

"**Well it felt like an eternity." Katie, per usual, throws her hands up dramatically as she exit's the doorway and allows us to step fully inside. **

"**Where are Eff and Hazel?" Emily scans her eyes around the room. They show a flash of concern when they come up empty.**

"**Eff just put her to bed, should be out in a second. Much to my surprise they seem to have taken a liking to each other… maybe because Eff's so bat shit she reminds Hazel of her mum." Katie muses as she heads toward the isle kitchen to prepare a few drinks from several liquor bottles scattered around the counter. "Drink?" She offers me after a second much to my surprise. **

"**Um, no… no thank you." Is the best that I can muster by the time that Emily is nursing a drink of her own courtesy of Katie. She looks on at me with guilt that I quickly shrug off. The last thing that I want is for people to sensor themselves around me. I can read people better that way. Besides, I have my own vices.**

**For awhile I was genuinely concerned that peoples sole purpose in this life was to be depended on. Can you not see that in the large scope of the world? A babe depends on its mum, the same way that it's mum had their own and so on and so on. I felt all of this pressure to give back. To need… to be needed, and I never considered myself a failure. So I guess that's where it started…**

"**Um, is there a restroom?" I ask after a second**

**I've felt it creeping up since I left Sam and mines flat. That anxious feeling. That urge…. That dependency. Eventually I learned that dependence came right on down to survival. Sam needs me to need him because I make him feel worthy. He makes me need him by giving me what I need, or feel like I need. Same as the sea would become overcrowded with fish were we not to harvest them he would get too stuck in his own pride were he not given something else to **_**glorify**_**. But what is it that I need from him? It's not the roof that he puts over my head, or the food that he lays on the table. It's the one thing that gives me energy to make it through the day. It's the one thing that keeps me from sinking into the hole that were I to fall down I would surely never return. It's as if what he gives me provides the solace only matched by God. By angels. **

"**Yeah, round the corner to the left." Emily gestures sweetly, giving me a small smile before I exit the room. My hand is clenched firmly in my pocket as I make my way.**

**With luck Sam and I wont cross paths. Even if it is extremely unlikely, I have to moderate what I have. Unfortunately moderation is not something that I've been used to having to practice that past four years. Everything that I desired that was snortable, shootable, or smokable has been right at my finger tips. **

**My hands are shaking by the time that I grasp the compact from my clutch. I allow myself to catch a glimpse of my tired battered face only briefly. If I look on any longer it makes it more real, and if I look at that reality then well, … I wont make it. I figure Effy knows as much, but then again she's tattooed over my bruises.**

**As I move to dump the contents of the small bag onto the mirror I hesitate. Strange. **

"**Come on Naoms, get it together." I urge myself through gritted teeth trapped in a locked jaw. "Just this one more." I catch another glimpse of myself in the mirror, look away. "This last time."**

**I say this as though I'm convincing myself- I truly am in the moment. But life is so much more than a moment is it not? My hand furiously dives back into my pocket to find a bill already rolled. Pristine. Waiting to fufill its purpose in the world, not much unlike a starving artist, or any dreamer really who's only yearning in life is to live in happiness. Fulfill it's destiny. Who am I deny that? My minds been too fucked to be sure anymore though. Either way I bend toward the mirror and I breathe in the line.**

**The bits of ground powder dance their way through my system. I can feel them intoxicating my head, vitalizing my soul. Momentarily they burn as they surge through my senses, but then drip a comforting rhythm down my throat. My body begins to relax.**

**I take a moment to collect myself before heading to the living room. I check my reflection in the mirror and wipe away any excess powder. "Alright then." I take one deep breath before opening the door only to collide with "Effy."**

**She and I are nearly nose to nose, and she is completely silent as she stares acutely into my eyes. We stand like that for a moment, her reading me, me trying not to piss my pants while resisting the urge to run as the drugs begin to pulse through my system.**

"**Eff?" Katie calls as she appears in the corner, I look sharply in her direction surprised to find that Effy is no longer inches away from me but against the far wall as though nothing had just happened.**

"**Hey." She greets Katie, her eyes remained trained on me for a second before her face breaks out into a smirk when she turns to Katie.**

"**Hey babe. She's down." She saunters over to Katie easily pressing their lips together in an uncharacteristically chaste kiss. **

"**Good work. Told ya you could do it. Now then, let's get fucked shall we?" Katie turns to me cocking a mischievous brow. **

"**Seems like Naoms is all about it." Effy references me without acknowledging me. **

**I do well to shake off the insinuation of the girls comment and remain content to nod eagerly, as I bite my bottom lip. Cook would've seen right through me. No doubt Effy did as well. Thankfully however, she said nothing as she led Katie by the hand to the living room.**

**Somewhere around 4 am I wake to a shrill cry. It takes me a second to gather myself as my crusted eye pop open and survey my surroundings. Gold stars covered in glitter hang from the ceiling and multi color feather boas drape across the walls. The flat really looks like the set of a soft core porn flick. **

**Effy lay on her side on the couch above the floor where I must have fallen asleep. Katie lay beside her face to face with Effy's arm around her and their thighs intertwined. I think that I prefer these two when they are unconscious. They sure as hell make me a lot less nervous. **

**The shrill cry breaks through the room again as I turn to my side to see that Emily is nowhere to be found. My legs feel like jelly as I pull myself to my feet. I stumble when I attempt to take my first step. I have to catch my balance by grabbing hold of the coffee table. Bottles of beer and booze are strewn throughout the room and there is an abandoned spliff on the table. Knowing that it wouldn't be an issue, it would infact be encouraged, I grabbed the roll from the table and sparked it between my lips. **

**As the smoke settles in my chest I can feel my face break out into a relieved grin. Now onto the next order of business. Locating Emily. I follow the sound of the cries, now just whimpers to the door at the end of the hall. The ground is uneven beneath my feet so I am reduced to grazing alongside the wall for support. **

"**Hey!" A cheerful voice greets me. She obviously saw me before I saw her. **

"**Hey." I say timidly as I hang outside of the door. **

"**Come on in Naomi. We won't bite." The corner of her lips turn up as she smirks at me "Unless you want me to."**

**I chuckle despite by discomfort as I make my way into the room. Emily is sitting in the middle of the bed rocking a small blonde haired blue eyed baby.**

"**So this must be the infamous Hazel then." I muse as I slid onto the bed beside them. **

"**Why yes it is." Emily grins smirking down at the baby "Will you say hi to Naomi, Hazel?" She pulls the baby up onto her feet. Hazel however is content to just smile and coo at me while she chews her pudgy fist. "Hazel says hello." Emily says giving a slight bow, bending the baby down to do the same. **

**We sat in silence for awhile, enjoying each others company, cooing over the baby. Emily has the baby laid between her crossed legs as she draws little circles on her chest lulling the baby into sleep.**

"**Figures Eff and Katie would fall asleep on the job." Emily sighs as the babys eyes begin to droop. "I cant imagine how the two of them had managed until we got here."**

"**Well, from the smell of booze and spliff that hung in the air it seems that they made out just fine." I joke eliciting a raspy laugh from the girl**

"**Nah," Emily shakes her head "It's always like that in here. Sid and Cass are good parents but they still havent quite grown up, you know?"**

**I nod. I know all too well. Sensing my discomfort Emily quickly changes the topic, her eyes fluttering to the window.**

"**Snow stopped."**

"**Yeah. Gah-" I jump at the sudden vibration in my pocket. Emilys eyes flick up to mine, and without question she knows who it is. I silence the phone letting it fall to the bed. She says nothing, I can tell shes just waiting for my next move. Hoping that I wont pick up. Hoping that I wont go back. But I cant. This may be my only chance to get free, to find Cook, to have something worth living for again. "That window, does it open?" I ask in a shaky voice.**

"**Um, yeah." Emily asks watching me skeptically. Fear in the back of her mind somewhere that I would jump.**

"**Oh." **

**I then rise to my feet and in one swift movement push the window opens. A gust of cold whips into the room. Emily shudders, leaning her body over the baby to protect her from the cold. An mindless act just as noble as any other I've seen from her. And then I did it. I chucked my phone out of the window as far as I could. It disappeared into the snow before it could even hit the ground. Closing the window quickly I allow myself a triumphant smile, although this was just one battle to be fought in what is sure to be a war I can acknowledge the small victory. **

**What's even better than the victory is the reward. I turn back to the bed to find Emily beaming at me. Simply brilliant. With no other encouragement needed I stride across the room toward the bed. She meets me half way. Half on half off of the bed or lips meet, and suddenly the room isn't cold anymore. It's like everything else has been washed away, wiped clean, and it is just she and I. And I'll take that, if only for a moment. I can't stop myself from reaching up and stroking her cheek as I pulled her closer to me. Only to be broken up by a-**

"**Ahem." Someone coughs in the doorway. Bashfully we break apart to find Katie before us arms crossed with a smirk. **

"**Can I help you?" Emily cocks an identical brow at her sister. **

"**Sid and Cass are going to be home soon and I feel like I have a fucking marching band blaring inside of my head. Now can you please rise from your love nest and come and help me clean up this shit hole before they get back." Katie hisses at her sister**

**I thought it best not to point out that this had been Katie and Effy's gig which they had completely dropped the ball on in favor of booze and weed.**

"**Fucks sake Katie yes." Emily groans placing Hazel back in her bassinet. **

"**I'll be right back." I tell her as I watch her rise. "I just have to use the restroom."**

"**Kay." Emily smiles at me with those adoring brown eyes. I cant help but smile back. I'm beginning to become concerned that this is a recurring thing. Naomi Campbell does not smile. **

**Quickly I rise and make my way to the bathroom. I reach into my pocket as soon as I'm inside and much to my horror find it empty. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Where did I put it? It must have fallen out because I know for sure that I placed it back into my pocket. It's not like me to be that careless. Oh god! What if Emily finds it? Or Sid, or Cassie, or the baby? … What would I do if its all gone?**

"**Looking for something?" A voice breaks from the corner. I can feel eyes on my back leaving no question to who was lingering in the room as well. **

"**Effy." I turn to find her perched a top the toilet fingering the plastic baggie.**

"**Care to explain?" She questions as her flishnet clad leg swings lazily off of the side. **

"**I don't know what you're talking abut." I cross my arms across my chest to resist the urge to snatch the bag from the girl and flee.**

"**Bullshit." Is all that she says, eyes twinkling with mischief before she becomes silent again. **

**I groan inwardly having no desire to be playing these games.**

"**Well are you just going to dangle it in front of my face?" I ask after a second**

**The light in the dingy bathroom is dim, but blue eyes cut to blue eyes so vividly.**

"**I could tell." She begins rising from the seat as she begins to pace "the way that way your hands shake, by the way that you gnaw at your lip, by the fact that you're skin and bones. I can smell it on you."**

"**Fuck you Effy." I hiss at the girl **

"**Oh really?" She stops pacing tossing the bag into my chest much to my confusion. "You first." She urges one upping me even further by tossing me a pocket mirror. **

**I should have thought twice before cutting that line, before again falling into it's ecstasy. I should have questioned Effy and her motives before handing the baggie back to her. **

"**You better now?" She asks tucking the bag into her bra.**

"**What the fuck are you doing?" I ask stepping toward her, she steps back flashing me a devilish grin**

"**Helping you. I like you Naoms- and don't tell anyone that I said that. Especially Katie. I know what you're going through. I get it. I was there. You need us. Admit it." Her face has fallen serious now**

**I find myself sinking to the floor and she joins me. I don't make eye contact with her. I cant stand to be fucked around by those eyes at this moment, especially as I begin to feel the drugs race through my system. **

"**Emily really cares about you." She begins, "and knowing that you're hooked on would kill her. She doesn't deserve that."**

"**I want to get better. Really Effy I do. I just want a chance at life again." I admit holding back the tears that are threatening to spill. I know that she believes me. She was the one who tattooed over the bruises. It was like from that moment on we had some sort of silent understanding. **

"**You've got to get clean Naomi. And you've got to get away from that shit man of yours because you look like a human punching bag the way you're all bruised up."**

"**I know, I know." I nod as I wring my hands together. **

"**I wont say anything, but you need to try." I can her a foreign sincerity in her voice that draws me up to meet those eyes again. Eyes that for the first time seem to have fallen, conceded. Eyes that are vulnerable and hopeful and probably only reveal themselves to Katie. **

"**I will."**

"**I'll hold your stash. It'll be hard at first, but if you need a fix you'll have to come through me. You know," Effy pulls her legs out in front of her as she pulls a spliff between her lips "I could end up in the dog house for this. You too." She blows out a line of smoke and we watch it billow toward the ceiling**

"**Effy?"**

"**Hum?" **

**We both keep our eyes fixed upward. **

"**Thank you."**

"**Just don't make me regret it."**


	6. Morning

... Merry Christmas?

* * *

><p><strong>6: Morning<strong>

**Emily**

"Morning sleepy head." I allow the soft voice to drift me into consciousness

"Mmm," I moan as I stretch as far as my limbs would allow. She chuckles and dodges my flailing appendages. "Morning." I smile as my eyes flutter open to meet the soft blue staring back at me.

These are the mornings that I never knew that I dreamed of but would die without.

"What time is it?" I ask the blonde who is peppering soft kisses against my chest. I let my eyes roam her body. The bruises are fading, and shes being revealed to me for the first time.

"Six," kiss "thirty." She pulls away from me with a smirk

It became blaringly obvious that I had to opt out of my old "occupation" if I were to have any involvement with Naomi. For both her safety and my own. It had been two months and we are just trying to figure out our next move. It's hard though when you have to live in the shadows. By this point no doubt Sam is looking for Naomi.

"Uhhh, why do I have to get up so early?!" I whine as Naomi pulls the covers from my body

"Because my love, you work at a coffee shop now. No more Emily badass for you," She nudges me playfully.

"You mean no Emily badass for you!"

"Shame. That was my favorite kind." She says with a smirk turning on her heels and retreating back into the kitchen.

I finally rouse myself from bed and make my way to the kitchen where Naomi has started breakfast. She has been a god send in the kitchen. A fact that Katie, Effy, and I are all thankful for.

"Breakfast is served." Naomi had a spread for all of us set out on the counter.

I peck her cheek as I round a corner to fix a plate.

"I would make a comment about how fantastic my woman is in the kitchen if I didn't know that I'd receive a lecture about perpetuating gender sterotypes." I smile at Naomi knowingly as she takes a seat at the counter

"You can always save the quips for dinner." She replies as I take a seat next to her.

As if on cue the sound of stumbling can be heard down the hallway.

"Morning." I greet my sister. "You look like microwaved shit."

She is wearing one of Effy's cut off tops which she has deemed fashion taboo above all else, and house shoes. Her make-up is smudged all over her face and she is clutching her head.

"Shut the fuck up Emily." She groans as she fixes herself a small plate.

"It's true." I shrug as Katie takes a seat on the kitchen floor

"Oh it's nice down here… the tiles so cool."

"Where the hell did you go last night?" I ask my sister trying to hide my amusement at her state.

Katie huffs and lets her head roll toward the ceiling as she sits her plate aside.

"I don't know EMILY" She somehow manages to add my name to any situation to add dramatic effect or place blame on me. It used to bug me, something lately though has got me on cloud nine. "We went to some new club out in SOHO, and then like… six more?"

She lets her head fall forward as she begins the struggle to her feet.

"I cant do this right now."

"Do what?" Naomi asks popping a grape her mouth as she cocks a brow at my sister.

"Function." She grips the counter for support "I'm going back to bed."

Effy's POV

"Move the fuck over slag!" I hear a voice scream at me. Her words beat to the throbbing in my head. Like a million fireworks being set off in your ear.

"Cow." Is all that I can manage to mutter as my body is rolled haphazardly across the bed. I am able to stop the momentum before I hit the floor. I would be furious but only seconds later I feel a smaller body snuggle into my side and any anger rising to the surface is washed away. "Naoms made breakfast I smell. You eat?" I ask turning on my side to face her

She shakes her head no and keeps her eyes pursed shut as she scoots closer into me.

"I feel like my stomach is going to drop out of my ass." She mutters. Chuckling I stroke her head as if she were a small child.

"Ill catch it for ya."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

The smell of warm food floods the room and causes me stomach to do flips.

"I think she's good for your sister." I muse

"Naoms?"

"No Cass. Of course I mean Naomi!" I joke with the girl. Both of our brains to be fair are completely jumbled.

"I donno." Katies eyes flutter open slightly. "I still don't trust her completely."

Katie is pretty good at reading people, … once she gets past her generally judgmental first impressions. Naomi had been doing pretty well since our truce. I can tell when shes having a hard time and she is feigning for it. At first I'd make up a convenient excuse to skate away with her for a second. But lately those times are coming less and less. And she's looking a bit less skeletal.

"You're going to have to get over that eventually Kate." I pull her closer toward my chest

"No I don't" She argues

"Yes you do. Your sister's head over heels. They're going to get married and have babies and grow old together" I tease her

"Ass." She shoves me with her elbow which landed squarely on my boob causing a searing pain in my chest that is only matched by the one in my head.

"Fuck! You tit!" I scream flying upright which caused the room to spin, but still I clutch my chest with one hand and then the bed for support with the other.

Suddenly I wish I was my seventeen year old self who never got hungover. It was convenient. Easier to skate off from the random bloke I'd woken up next to.

"Oh shit Eff I'm sorry I didn't mean it!" She shoots up as well looking apologetic.

"Fucks sake Katie." My voice came out a raspy whisper. Probably thanks to all those smokes I faced last night.

"Do you think that about them really?" She asks me her face turning serious. "They're it for each other and all."

I shrug, and shiver as a gust of wind slips through the crack in the window.

"I think so. Really." I affirm suddenly worried where this conversation is going

"And us?" Yup, there it is. "Are we going there too?"

She sounds nervous, and is no longer looking me in the eye.

"I- um, I guess I kinda hoped so." I shrugged nonchalantly.

Even when we were back in Bristol and Katie was the anti gay of all anti gays I think that there was something between us. I was always drawn to her in a way, and she me. Even if she claimed that she wanted to be around me because "we were both like so totally fit" , or "I'm popular and your popular so we _have _to be best friends". Maybe that's where the challenge with Freds came in. There had to be some excuse that we couldn't be friends or we'd end up as something more. Something neither of us could have handled back then.

"You mean, like all that? Even a family and stuff?" She asks again as she became rather intrigued by our ragged comforter

"Yeah. Like all that." I smile at her, leaving one hand still protectively over my chest, but allowing the other to roam to find her hand. "It could be us too."

"But me, I mean I know that you know I can't have kids…"

"I know." I squeeze her hand as I give her a small smile.

"So you'd have to carry them." She looks up at me with a sudden smirk.

"And be off my meds and spliff for nine months, and then on top of that risk passing on whatever the fuck is in my head?" I point out. "No thank you."

"I like what's in your head!" She places a kiss on my lips and pulls my hand from my chest. "Now stop being so dramatic."

I lean into the kiss as I try to suppress a smile.

"So that's it then. We're in this, you and I?" I feel like my heart was going to beat out of my chest as she continued to stare into my eyes. I want so badly to break the contact but I'm drawn, she's stolen me.

"Well it would appear that way." She smiles

"So then marry me."

I have no idea where the words came from, but once they were out theres no putting them back. Katie seems as stunned as I feel.

"Wha-what?" She stutter out, eyes wide and face frozen.

"Marry me." I say one more time. The words feeling more right the more I utter them.

"Effy are you mental?!" She almost shouts. I quirk my eyebrow at her with a grin. "Right. Sorry." She corrects herself. "Effy I know you, this idea just popped into your fucking head."

"So? Marry me. I love you." I repeat trying to hide the fact now that I am terrified that she'd say no.

"Eff, we're broke, we have literally one hundred dollars in out bank account-"

"We spent that on the drinks last night. We've now got…" I sift through the change on the floor beside me under my pack of cigarettes "Thirty six cents" I correct her, "Oh wait, I miscounted. Thirty nine cents."

"Oh... Anyway see! Getting married is something adults do! We're not adults. We smoke weed and we party and we can't pay our bills! We sleep on a mattress on the floor for christ sake! And my mother HATES you. Oh she'd have a fit. She thinks you've ruined any chance for one of her children to have a normal relationship, what with Emily being all muff muncher and James finding plural marriage!"

"All the more reason." We are nearly nose to nose. "Marry me."

"Is that even legal?" Her brow furrows honestly

"Marry me."

She lets out a breath and allows her eyes to flick up, down, and then back up again.

"Marry me." I say once more. I take both of her shaky hands with my own.

"Ok." She said finally "Ok!"

And when she looks at me her face breaks out into a grin bigger and brighter than I have ever seen before. I have never been so happy to have something to call mine. And I'll have her forever now. There's nothing that means more to me, and until this moment I didn't realize it. Her lips attack mine as we fall back onto the bed together.

"Oh and Effy?" She breaks back from the heated kiss but remains straddled above me.

"Yeah babe?" I ask her going through withdraw from her lips

"Promise me something?"

"Anything." I stroke my hand through her hair

"You've got to be honest with me about what's going on in your head."

"I always am."

"I know, I know. I just don't want that to change."

"I promise." And I meant it. I don't make it a habit to make promises that I cant keep.

"And the drugs too Eff. If you're going to be with me I don't even want you near them. You've been clean for awhile. It would kill me to see you like that again. I almost lost you."

"I'll stay clean. Promise." A wave of guilt washes over me thinking of the stash I had for Naomi. But it wasn't mine. And that situation is between Naomi and I. Katie hasn't been hooked. She wouldn't get it.

"And one more thing?" She stopped me before I could kiss her again

"What Kate? I just want to fuck the brains out of my fiance for fucks sake! What is it?"

"Don't ever propose without a ring again. It's tacky." She says almost seriously

I give a throaty laugh flipping her onto her back. My hands leave her sides and stroke the side of her face. I see her swallow and her chest begin to rise and fall heavily as I stared down at her beauty.

"Well I never plan on ever having to do it again."

* * *

><p>Dont know where the fluff came from. Holidays maybe? Anyhow setting the stage for whats to come. Can't be all sunshine and roses forever? Please leave me a review and let me know if you guys are still reading. Thanks<p>

two hands two feet


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